Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Quick, to the slutcave!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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