I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
