just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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