i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
