He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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