She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So squirting runs in the family.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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