I'll bet she douches with gravy.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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