i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
