I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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