Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
