I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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