just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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