Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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