Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
