at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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