She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
