i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
