she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
