No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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