I am in a vortex of obligation.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
