It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
