i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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