hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
