Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
