I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
