his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
