why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
