She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
