What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
