I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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