I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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