Do you still have your period?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
