OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
sex in a hospital.. check
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
