I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
