let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
