I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
