My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
