oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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