hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
