I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
