You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize