Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
