Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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