i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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