Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My pussy is not your playground.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
