i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
