Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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