I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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