Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This is my gift to your gina
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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