ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
