i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He did a backflip because drugs
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
