That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
